Be an Advocate, Not an A**hole: Navigating the Delicate Role of a Football Parent

Parenting an athlete is a journey filled with pride, anxiety, hope, and sometimes delusion. Having observed young athletes and their parents, I’ve seen how parental behavior can elevate or sabotage a child’s athletic career. This is especially true in football, where dreams of scholarships and NFL contracts often cloud judgment.

The Fine Line Between Advocacy and Interference

Every child deserves someone who believes in them, fights for them, and helps them navigate competitive sports. But there’s a distinction between being an advocate and being an a**hole – a distinction many parents miss until it’s too late.

True advocacy means supporting your child’s growth as both an athlete and a person. It involves teaching resilience, respect, and hard work, having tough conversations, and celebrating achievements without fostering entitlement. Most importantly, it means guiding, not dominating.

Unfortunately, many parents cross this line, becoming sideline coaches, referee critics, and locker room lawyers. They create tension with coaches, alienate teammates, and model bad behavior their children emulate.

The "Take No Advice" Parent

I recently had the opportunity to speak with the father of a talented young athlete who is a Junior in high school. His son, like many others, has been invited to showcase camps and won accolades at several. By all accounts, it sounds like he's a talented football player, but certainly not what I would consider the "best of the best". However, his father refused to accept any reality that didn't include his kid getting a full ride at a D1, Top FBS program. When we talked about his GPA - which was below what these schools usually consider the minimum for a student athlete, he just hand-waved it away with a casual "oh, that'll get better". He's a Junior. On the phone during several evaluation calls, he couldn't help himself from bragging for hours (and I do mean hours) about his son - which is great, except you also need to answer the questions so we can get a fair set of data on which to base our evaluation. See, we can't help if we don't actually know the situation.

At every turn, any advice offered to this parent was met with defensiveness and rudeness. He would not hear that they might be headed down the wrong path or that there were things to work on. In his mind, his kid was incredible, but for some unknown reason, he wasn't getting the attention he deserved. Maybe it's you, Dad. Maybe the coaches meet you and go "oh hell no, we ain't spending time with a parent like that for a good-not-great athlete". You have to make them want your kid, and as a parent, you're part of the package they're buying.

The Deion Sanders Cautionary Tale

No example illustrates this better than Deion “Coach Prime” Sanders and his son, Shedeur. Deion, one of football’s greatest players, transitioned to coaching with the same flamboyance that defined his playing career. When he took the helm at Colorado with his quarterback son Shedeur, many hoped for a heartwarming success story.

Instead, it became a lesson in how parental behavior can undermine a child’s prospects.

Throughout Shedeur’s college career, Deion’s presence was constant. As a father, coach, and media personality, his bombastic statements and confrontational approach created controversy. His tendency to gaslight critics and project superiority beyond his coaching accomplishments created a narrative that eventually affected his son.

Deion often portrayed Shedeur as an elite quarterback held back by circumstances, not his own limitations. When Colorado’s offensive line struggled, Deion’s comments seemed to shield Shedeur from criticism, blaming others instead.

This protective stance ultimately didn’t help Shedeur. As the 2025 NFL Draft neared, evaluators couldn’t separate Shedeur from his father’s influence. Would drafting Shedeur mean dealing with Deion’s personality and interference? Did Shedeur inherit his father’s entitlement and blame-shifting? These perceptions, fair or not, caused Shedeur’s draft stock to fall below what many believed his performance deserved.

What could have been a top-10 pick became a much lower position, costing Shedeur millions and adding pressure to his career. All because a father, despite love and good intentions, couldn’t balance advocacy with interference.

The Entitled Athlete: A Creation, Not a Birth

I've never seen a five-year-old athlete whine about not getting the ball often enough.

Entitlement isn’t innate; it’s taught by parents who make kids feel exceptional, that rules don’t apply, and obstacles should be removed, not overcome.

Parents who intervene with coaches about playing time, excuse poor performance instead of encouraging accountability, and blame officials for losses, cultivate entitlement leading to character flaws.

These athletes become college players who transfer at adversity’s first sign, professionals clashing with coaches and teammates, struggling with failure because they’ve never learned to process it in a positive, useful way. Breeding entitlement in these kids only holds them back and makes what is already a difficult journey all the more formidable.

Coaching the Coaches: A Losing Strategy

A destructive pattern is parents trying to “coach the coaches.” Often with little football experience, they believe they know better than professionals dedicated to the sport.

They critique game plans, suggest drills, question substitutions, and undermine coaches’ authority, creating divided loyalties and confusion.

Parents often don’t realize that their behavior rarely leads to better treatment for their child. Instead, it creates an uncomfortable environment where coaches see the talented player as not worth the parental baggage. In team sports, coaches value players who positively contribute to team culture, not those with a personal entourage of complaints.

The Right Way to Advocate

How can parents advocate effectively for their young athletes? True advocacy in sports means teaching your child to self-advocate. Instead of emailing the coach about playing time, help your son prepare for a respectful conversation to ask what he needs to improve. This builds communication skills for life. Remember, youth sports aren't just about a scoreboard or win/loss record. Your kid is going to use what they've learned through this time for the rest of their lives. Why wouldn't you take the opportunity to teach them how to be impactful adults?

Advocacy involves supporting your child’s development, even when it’s tough. If the coach pushes your son hard, resist intervening. Instead, help him see high expectations as respect – coaches don’t push players they’ve given up on.

Model respectful engagement with authority figures. How you talk about coaches, officials, and parents shapes how your child interacts with them. If you undermine the coach’s decisions, don’t be surprised when your child shows disrespect.

Maintain perspective on your child’s athletic career. The odds of reaching the NFL are tiny, even for talented players. The real value of sports lies in life lessons, character development, and memories – not scholarships or draft positions.

The Parent-Coach Relationship: Partners, Not Adversaries

Successful athletic journeys feature parents and coaches as partners in the child’s development, requiring trust, communication, and boundaries.

Parents must trust coaches to have their child's best interests, even with decisions they might not understand. Coaches should recognize parents' unique insights and valid concerns.

The key is establishing communication channels. Most issues should be addressed between the player and coach, building the player's communication skills and responsibility. Parents should step in only for serious safety, health, or inappropriate behavior concerns.

When parents engage with coaches, approach matters. Be curious, seek understanding, and focus on your child's development rather than immediate results for better outcomes than confrontational tactics.

Preparing Your Child for the Real Football World

If your child has talent for higher levels, prepare them for elite football's realities. College and professional coaches don't coddle or guarantee playing time; they expect accountability, toughness, and team-first attitudes.  Be honest about the skill and talent your child has.  It’s the only way you can create a plan for them that will truly work.

Players protected from criticism, who haven't earned their position, or feel entitled face a brutal adjustment. Many don't survive it.

Gradually increase your child's ownership of their football experience. Let them face consequences for missed practices or poor effort. Encourage them to solve problems with teammates and view criticism as valuable, not personal attacks.

These lessons serve them better than any highlight tape or ranking.

The Long Game of Sports Parenting

Effective sports parenting is about the long game. The goal isn't a star 12-year-old quarterback or winning a local championship, but raising a person who navigates the world, understands teamwork, and handles success and failure with grace.

Sometimes make choices that limit short-term success but build character. Keep your child with a tough but fair coach or let them face the disappointment of being cut instead of finding a team that guarantees playing time.

Handled with support, these moments build resilience for life, with or without football.

When to Fight and How to Fight

Parents should intervene for safety concerns, bullying, abusive coaching, or discrimination. The key is distinguishing legitimate issues from normal sports challenges.

When intervention is needed, approach matters. Avoid public confrontations, social media accusations, or going straight to administrators, as these usually lead to defensiveness and escalation, not resolution.

Request a private meeting and come prepared with specific concerns. Focus on your child's experience, not the coach's competence. Understand the coach's perspective before suggesting changes, and propose solutions rather than just identifying problems. This approach is more effective than confrontational tactics.

The College Recruitment Reality Check

As high school approaches, the lure of college scholarships can cloud parental judgment. Some parents become amateur agents, marketing their child to any college that will listen. College coaches, however, can tell genuine talent from hype and are wary of talented players with overbearing parents.

Coaches discuss more than just abilities; they ask about parents. Are they supportive but not intrusive? Do they allow tough coaching? Do they create drama? These questions often influence recruitment decisions as much as a player's skills.

If you've been problematic, don't be surprised when college opportunities are limited despite your child's talent. The red flags you've raised have consequences.

Learning from Professional Athletes' Parents

For every cautionary tale like the Sanders situation, there are positive examples. Josh Allen's father provided guidance without overshadowing him. The Kelce brothers' parents supported them while letting them forge their paths.

These successful relationships share common traits: parents offering resources and support without creating dependency, teaching values without micromanaging, celebrating achievements without entitlement, and staying supportive without becoming public figures.

The Ultimate Measure of Success

As your child's football journey unfolds, regularly reflect on how you define success. Is it scholarships, championships, or professional contracts? Or is it in the person your child becomes through their athletic experience? Hint: it can be both, and frequently the latter leads to the former.

Conclusion: The Choice Every Sports Parent Faces

Every sports parent faces a choice: to be an advocate or an a**hole. Advocates support, guide, and prioritize development over achievement. A**holes interfere, demand, and focus on outcomes over growth.

This choice affects more than records or playing time. It shapes your child's athletic experience, character, and your relationship with them. Long after their sports career ends, your behavior influences how they face life's challenges.

Choose to be the parent your child needs—not just for sports success, but to thrive in life. Be their advocate, teacher, supporter. Leave the a**hole on the sidelines.

Your child's future self will thank you, even if their present self wishes you'd yell at the coach.